Cold Heart
by InvisibleEvidence
Summary: Catherine doesn't realize just how lonely she is until someone reaches out to her. Rated M. Catherine/Sara.
1. Chapter 1

**Cold Heart**

New Sara/Catherine fanfic. Written from Catherine's POV, set around season five. Reviews always welcomed. Enjoy!

Chapter One

My fingers played lazily with the pen in between my fingers, moving it from one side of my hand to the other, my elbow rested on the large glass table as my other hand flicked through the case file in front of me.

Shift ended an hour ago - it was 8am. Nancy was taking Lindsey to school so I was in no rush to get home. The words on the case papers were blurring together with my tiredness. I rubbed my forehead, letting out a sigh.

"Alright, Catherine?" The question pulled me out of my trance and I shifted my eyes up to see who had entered the break room. Sara stood on the other side of the table. She gave a small smile.

I shook my head at her, she'd arrived for work hours before I had and looked wide awake. "Do you ever sleep?"

She laughed a little, heading over to the coffee pot on the corner work surfaces, "You, Catherine, are obviously just not drinking enough coffee." she poured two mugs of the hot liquid, topped them up with milk and placed one down in front of me. She took the seat next to mine and peered over my work. "How's it going?"

Rarely did Sara pay attention to my cases, unless we were working on them together of course. It was no secret we'd had many fall-outs in the past but we were now generally friendly to each other. Truth to be told, apart from the fact she was 30 years old, single, lived alone and had been drafted in from San Francisco after Holly Gribbs, I didn't know much about her. She studied the papers on the desk, occasionally sipping her coffee. I drank mine too; it tasted good and was a welcome relief to my tired body.

After a few minutes she gently slid the pen from between my fingers and began to add to my notes. Whenever Sara and I had worked together I had always been amazed at how quickly she could piece a case together, although I'd never tell her that. I'd been a CSI for six years before she'd gotten her job at Vegas, and I couldn't help but be a little agitated at her skill level compared to my own. No wonder Grissom was obsessed with her.

Her arm grazed against mine as she reached through the papers. Her skin was bare, she wore a short-capped black t-shirt, and the warmth of her skin was sort of comforting to me. It'd been so long since I'd had any physical contact with anyone. Well, anyone alive.

Within a couple of seconds her arm had moved and she pulled one of the photos of the D.B from the pile. "See the colour of the carpet she's lying on? It doesn't match with the wool fibres found on her shirt." I blinked a few times, my eyes heavy with tiredness, staring at the photo before me. "Were there any other carpeted floors in the house?" she asked.

I paused; my mind wouldn't work. "I... don't remember." I felt my cheeks redden with embarrassment with what I'd missed.

Sara stood up, "The scene is still open, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Then let's go check it out."

csicsicsicsicsicsicsicsicsi

The drive to the crime scene was mostly quiet. Occasional comments were shared over the quietness of the roads, the weather and Sara's SUV, which had recently been kitted out with inbuilt satellite navigation and new upholstery - a birthday present from the team a few weeks previous.

Once parked at the house, we exited the vehicle and I slid the key out of my trouser pocket and into the front door.

The house was small but typically suburban in surroundings and decor. We entered the house to be greeted with the smell of scene processing chemicals. It had only been 24 hours since the body had been found, and I had made quick work of the evidence collection. Maybe too quick.

The wool fibre on the victim was blue. The living room, where she had been found, had a cream carpet. So, together, Sara and I walked the house. She asked a few questions regarding the case as we went, which I answered, although still puzzled at her efforts on my case.

It was when we reached the last room in the house to check, the guest bedroom, we stopped in our tracks. All the carpets were cream. Sara started searching through draws and cupboards as a last resort to finding something in the house that would help us. I watched her moving across the room, taking in my surroundings afresh.

"Catherine," she spoke as she searched the wardrobe, not turning to face me, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I frowned a little at her abrupt question.

"But seriously, are you? You've been distracted at work for a few weeks," Sara remained turned away from me, going through shoes at the bottom of the wardrobe, "I don't want to intrude, but..." she trailed off and I realised I needed to speak.

"Then don't." I was short with her, unintentionally so, but her question had thrown me. I couldn't remember the last time someone had really asked me how I was, and I certainly didn't expect it to be Sara.

She was silent as she continued her wardrobe search and I felt foolish at my response to her. But it was too late to apologise, or carry on like it hadn't happened, so within a couple of minutes we'd left the house and got back into her SUV.

"You must be exhausted. Shall I drive you home? I can take the few things we've got back to the lab. You can process them tonight." she kept her eyes on the wheel but her voice was soft.

I nodded, grateful for her kindness when I'd been, well, a bitch. The drive to my house was in silence, she already knew the way from the few times the team had visited for coffee, and when she pulled into my driveway I could only mutter a soft 'thank you' before exiting the car.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for your reviews, so glad you're enjoying it so far. Here's chapter two:

Chapter Two

It was somewhere between my four hour sleep, making dinner for Lindsey and driving to work that I realized I would have to apologize to Sara. Apologies rarely slipped my lips, and never had one been spoken to Sara, whether I had owed her one in the past or not. But this felt different, maybe it was the fact was so lonely, or the fact Sara had seen my loneliness when no one else had, but I couldn't leave this one unspoken.

I hung my coat up in my locker, closing it as Sara came into the locker room and opened her own metal locker, pulling out her CSI jacket.

"Hi." I smiled at her.

She returned the smile, doing up her jacket's zip.

"Sara, I want to thank you for earlier... You really helped the case." I didn't know why I was struggling so much to get the right words out, but I was.

"You're welcome." she frowned a bit as I shuffled uncomfortably, biting my bottom lip as I held her gaze.

"...And i wanted to apologize for snapping at you when you asked if I was okay." I watched her face for a reaction.

She smiled again, reaching out to rub my arm softly. "Don't worry about it, Cath. But if you do want to talk, you know where I am. Okay?"

I nodded.

"Sometimes it's good to talk." And with that she left the locker room.

I stood there, glued to the spot for a second as I contemplated her words. Talking through my problems wasn't one of my strong points. I couldn't remember really talking to anyone about my divorce from Eddie, or his death.

Grissom interrupted my thoughts as he stood at the doorway. "Are you using lab three? You're booked in on the sheet, but..." he motioned to my presence in the locker room.

"I'm using it." I frowned. I was only a few minutes late into her booking of the space. Grissom was dreadful with people, always had been, that was probably why he surrounded himself with bugs, and why he'd never done anything about his feelings for Sara. It'd been nearly three years since he'd sent her a plant as an apology for his behavior to her one shift, I'd helped him order it, and he'd explained to me his feelings for her. How he yearned for her constantly, cared about her, felt her in his heart, but couldn't bring himself to make his feelings known, even when offered a dinner date with her, he had turned it down. I had watched him struggle as she dated Hank, watched him become torn at her upset at the end of her short-lived relationship, but even after all this time, he still couldn't bring himself to say a word about his feelings for her.

"Sure." was all he had to say before he wandered off down the corridor.

I left the locker room and made my way to my evidence room. I flicked the radio on and closed the door behind myself. The glass walled room filled with the sounds of general pop music and I tucked a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear as I undid the tape seal on my evidence box. Hours passed as I noted the additional evidence Sara and I had collected from the victim's house, sending fibers around the lab for identification. Sara had also lifted a print from the bedside table phone, I knew from inspecting it under a magnifying glass it wasn't the victim's, so i made my way to the AFIS computer down the corridor.

I entered the room to see Sara sat the computer, she had her elbows leant on the desk, her head in her hands.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked gently, approaching her and tentatively placing my hand on her back. I rubbed my hand up and down her t-shirt covered back and she let out a shaky breath.

"A woman was raped and murdered in her car, and the only print I found that isn't hers isn't getting a hit... This is all I've got on him and it's a dead end." she looked up at me, her eyes red from crying.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her something would definitely come up, because sometime it didn't, sometimes we didn't catch the bad guys. I just kept my hand on her back, occasionally moving my palm up and down a little. I hoped it was comforting to her, as well as it feeling good for me. I found myself getting lost in the warmth of her body under my hand, I let my fingers drift across her back, I could feel myself react with the feeling her body against mine. It was only when I realized how lost I had become in my touches to her that I shifted my hand to her shoulder and kept it there.

We waited nearly thirty minutes in silence before AFIS beeped with a match. "James Addison, twenty eight years old, previous arrest for assault." Sara read from the screen before hitting 'print' on the computer. She rose from the seat quickly, and after grabbing the printout she left the room. I took her seat and scanned my print in to the computer. My mind, and my body, felt overwhelmed with Sara, although I had no idea why, I just knew I wanted more. Focusing on my print as the computer searched its database, I took a deep, calming breath.


	3. Chapter 3

Your responses so far have been amazing. Thank you! :)

Chapter Three

I spent the rest of shift doing my best to avoid Sara, despite her earlier upset and my want to comfort her. I had instead solved my case, made the arrest and was in the process of closing the case's paperwork.

I placed my coffee cup down on the table in front of me, adding my signature to some of the papers in the file. I had an hour left of shift, but I planned on staying much longer, the thought of going home was currently unappealing - I loved Lindsey, she was the most important part of my life, but it didn't stop me feeling like I had nothing to go home to. My sister and my mother took such good care of her, there was always someone to get her from school or make her dinner, as much as I tried to be the mother I wanted to be for her, I couldn't help but to feel like I was an intrusion on a family I was barely a part of.

My body filled with guilt at my absence in Lindsey's life, I could reassure myself that I was paying for a roof over her head and her college education when the time came, but Iknew deep down it wasn't enough.

A few hours passed before I signed the final paper of my case. I sealed them all in a large envelope and placed my pen on the table. I had barely concentrated on the papers before me. I couldn't think straight. A mixture of shame over Lindsey and confusion over my feelings for Sara drove me to my feet, and to the nearest bar.

The bar was quiet, mid-morning sunlight pouring in through the small windows. The scotch stung my lips and burned my throat as it entered my system, but it felt good. I could feel a weight lift from my shoulders as the liquor intoxicated my senses.

I watched the few faces that made their way past me at the bar. Mostly men, in their late fifties or early sixties, they looked tired and sad. I guessed they'd been here for a while, with it being a 24-hour venue, and the fact they could barely walk, more of forward stumble between seating and the bar.

I knew a few of them were staring at me, I could feel their eyes on my body as I leant against the wooden bar, but unwanted male attention was something I was used to – something I had become used to since my previous employment.

It had come to a point where I didn't even doubt whether or not they were trouble. I knew it would end in tears, it had done so many other times, I didn't know if I could put myself through it again.

I downed another scotch. It burned less than the last, but I felt a wave a wooziness wash over me. It was time to go home.

Hailing a taxi, I rested my head against the headrest in the back of vehicle. Pulling my phone from my handbag, I checked for new messages – nothing.

I held the phone in my hand for a second. My mind was still filled with Sara. I felt an urge to contact her and my fingers were hitting keys on my phone before I could stop myself.

'_Hope you solved your case. Catherine.'_

Simple, to the point, but friendly, and I felt better having sent it. I turned my attention to the moving scenery outside of the car as it travelled through the Vegas streets until a few seconds later, my phone beeped.

I glanced down at it, still in my hand. It was a message from Sara.

'_I did. Thank you. X' _

A smiled formed across my lips at her response.

It felt good to reach out to someone.

It felt good to have someone reach back.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you loads for reviewing. Hope you like this chapter! :)

Chapter Four

My alarm clock beeped loudly, startling me from sleep. Sitting up quickly in bed, the cotton sheets tangled around my legs, as I reached blindly for the alarm clock off button with one hand, the other shielded my eyes from the red digits that screamed at me through the darkness.

I had drunk too much, and couldn't remember the last time I had eaten.

It was 9pm. I felt dreadful.

I rid myself of my underwear before heading into the hot shower, and after drying my hair and consuming two large cups of coffee; I was beginning to feel more human.

I dressed in a white shirt and black trousers, pairing the outfit with black heels; I went to check on Lindsey before I left. Pushing open the door of her room a little to make sure she was okay, the light of the corridor made the scene viewable through the dark.

She lay in her bed, her breathing steady, a teddy bear engulfed in a tight hug in her arms, its body under the duvet just as much as hers. I wondered what she thought of me, if she had any idea of what I did for us, or if she just blamed me for not being there. I wanted to hold her, promise her I'd be around more, but it'd be a promise I couldn't keep. We needed the money from my job. But I knew she needed a mom.

I closed Lindsey's room door with a soft click and made my way past Nancy's room, then down the stairs and out of the house.

Nancy had moved in with us two years ago, and with her work fitting in with Lindsey's school times, it had all made sense at the time. She took care of Lindsey when I wasn't there, which was most of the time, and I was grateful. But it should have been me.

Starting the car engine, I turned the radio up full; I couldn't bear to think anymore. If Lindsey didn't hate me now, she would when she was old enough to realize I was never there. I put my window down as I drove the car to work, the stinging wind seemed to still any flow of tears that threatened to fall.

Ten minutes later I was checking for any messages at the lab's reception desk. There wasn't anything, and I was thankful that I would have an hour to myself before the rest of the team arrived and Grissom handed out assignments. Grabbing a selection of files from Grissom's desk I took my usual position in the staff room.

Another one of Grissom's incapabilities was his paperwork management, not with cases but with his team. Of course I couldn't fill in my own quarterly review, but I often ended up doing everyone else's. Grissom always said we were singing from the same hymn sheet anyway, but really I guessed he would agree with anything I wrote.

I didn't even realize someone else was in the room until a coffee was placed next to me and soft fingers stroked down my arm. My breath caught in my throat as I realized who it was.

Sara.

She was dressed in a pair of dark blue denims and a simple black sweater top. Her dark hair hung loosely around her shoulders, and she had a little eye-shadow on - a light colour to make her brown eyes look even browner.

"Thank you." I smiled; my stomach doing flip-flops at her presence. Her fingers stopped at my elbow and retreated back to hold her coffee mug. I missed her touch instantly.

"You're welcome." she grinned. "Are you writing my quartley again?"

I raised my eyebrows a little, I was somewhat surprised she'd figured out that I did them, but part of me expected that she already knew. She was too clever to let something like that go unnoticed. I didn't respond, just simply caught her eye as she gave me a playful look.

It was as my eyes dropped to her lips and I felt an urge to kiss her that I realised I couldn't write her review this time. What was happening to me? I doubted I'd even be able to work a case with her at this rate. It was obvious that I had become attracted to her, but from such a turn around… we'd barely been friends, and then she'd shown a different side to herself, I guessed I must be showing a softer side too.

Lost for words at what was going on in my head, and Sara's soft smile, I excused myself from our conversation. I made my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind myself. Leaning back against the door I closed my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on.

I tried to blame Sara; she was making me feel like this, surely, but I knew deep down it was my own thoughts and emotions. I had read too deeply into her kindness, become too involved in forming friendship. Maybe she pitied me, I debated, but Sara wasn't the type to pity.

I hadn't even given her sexuality any thought, although to take that into account required me to believe that this was a realistic idea, and that was absurd. Whether Sara was interested in women or not, it would be a ridiculous expectation that that interest would extend my way.

In my past I had been with just as many women as men, but in my previous employment, sexual relationships had had no real meaning, it was just sex. It wasn't until Eddie came along that I settled down. With him it had meant something. What a mistake that was.

Since then I had dated a couple of men but like previously, it had just been sex, that was all I had allowed it to be, I couldn't possibly allow myself to be so vulnerable again.

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair, before leaving the bathroom. Finding the staff room empty, I collected my files and headed to Grissom's office, where I found the team assembled around his desk.

Grissom sat back against the side of his desk, papers in hand. "Nick, Warrick, you're on a hit and run on the strip." he handed over the case file to the two men before going back to the files in his hands. "Catherine, burglary in Henderson."

I took the file and flipped it open, scanning the documents.

"Sara, you're with me at Spring Valley. Double homicide."

I looked up to catch Grissom's gaze at Sara. It was intense. I could tell exactly what he was thinking, and it wasn't rated PG-13, that's for sure. It made my insides ache with jealousy, even if I'd only realised my feelings for the brunette a matter of days ago.

She was smiling at him in return, but it was only a simple, friendly smile, much unlike the way she used to look at him, when she believed he would return her feelings. I guessed she knew better now, if she still felt anything for him or not.

I left Grissom's office and went to get my CSI vest and evidence collection kit. With no body, I wouldn't be doing much in the way of collecting blood samples or fibres. No, I would be fingerprinting the house for the entirety of my shift. It was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter 5

Finally finished writing an update, this chapter has been a while in the making, I got a little lost with the story, but back on track now. Hope people are still interested in reading. Thanks for sticking with me if so, really hoping to get another update done soon.

Chapter Five

Days passed without seeing Sara, she was with Grissom on every case assigned to her, and I seemed to be in the field more than in the lab. I had expected the breathing space would help me forget my newly discovered feelings for her, but it only made them stronger and I missed her.

I had spent a lot of time thinking about the past five years and how Sara and I had fallen out, or at least never seemed to develop a friendship like we had with the rest of the team. I remembered Grissom telling me he was bringing in an outsider to help with the Holly Gribbs investigation.

I had been so filled with anger and sadness over the events that had unfolded and led to Holly's death: I had been looking for someone to blame outside of our team and I had blamed Sara to avoid having to face blaming one of my best friends, Warrick, who was ultimately a large factor in the situation. From then on Sara had kept her distance from me.

We'd been friendly enough to work together but we rarely made an effort beyond that. I remember taking her for a beer when Hank and she had split, but we'd barely spoken; I had merely offered my presence rather a shoulder to lean on.

I had never taken the time to understand her emotional involvement with cases that involved domestic violence; yes, they were dreadful cases to work, but it was deeper than that for Sara - I had never asked her why she reacted the way she did, but certainly had belittled her for it.

Then Eddie's death - Sara had worked a double shift and hadn't even stopped to eat or drink in an attempt to solve the case, I hadn't even said thank you.

I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to sleep. The harsh sunlight broke through gaps in the curtains - it was sometime in the afternoon but I wasn't sure exactly, I had lost track of time even though I hadn't slept at all. I wondered how, as my loneliness was consuming me, Sara could bring herself to offer support to me, when I had failed to support her on so many occasions.

I sat up in my bed, glancing at the clock. 2pm. I knew I couldn't sleep, there wasn't any point trying again. I had agreed with Nancy that I would pick Lindsey up from her after-school club at 5:30pm, which left me with a few hours - I decided the best place for me was the lab.

CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI

Latte in hand I headed through the glass corridors of the lab. I didn't recognise a lot of the daytime staff, people didn't tend to stay long with Ecklie as a boss - his staff turnover was ridiculous.

I chucked my rucksack into my locker before letting myself into Grissom's office and started work on file-mountain. I gradually made my way through file after file, enjoying the interrupted peace that was a rarity on graveyard shift.

Grissom's office was odd, I had never seen why he took such interest in animals in jars, or why he enjoyed bugs so much; his office definitely was a shrine to the animal kingdom. I glanced from the jarred baby pig back down to my work only to be startled by the door handle turning.

Sara entered the room, looking surprised that I was in there. "Oh sorry..." she held a few files in her hands, "I just wanted to leave these on Grissom's desk."

I smiled at her, reaching out my hand across the desk and she approached me to pass over the papers. I placed the manila files on one of the many piles on the desk and looked back at her.

Sara looked beautiful, as always; she wore a pair of dark jeans that showed the shape of her toned legs off wonderfully, and a green shirt that was a little big for her slender frame but she wore well.

"Take a seat." I offered and she took the chair opposite me.

"You been here long?" she asked.

"A couple of hours," I shrugged, trying not to make a big deal of the fact I had nothing else in my life to do.

"Me too," she grinned at me, "I think we need to find ourselves a hobby."

I laughed a little, but I could feel myself blushing at the activities I imagined sharing with her outside of the lab.

"We should, y'know, we could-" Sara was cut off by the loud ringing of my cell-phone.

I didn't want to answer, I wanted Sara to finish her sentence, but the ringing persisted. It was when I saw the caller ID that my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach - Lindsey's school. I answered, "Catherine Willows speaking."

"Hi Miss Willows. My name is Juliette Ford and I'm the head teacher at Riverheads School. I'm ringing to inform you that Lindsey has been in a fight and I'm afraid you're going to have to come and pick her up."

"Is she okay? What happened?" I felt as though I was going to be sick. My mind and heart were racing.

"Lindsey isn't hurt, Miss Willows, but you will have to collect her."

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I replied, getting to my feet as I ended the call.

Sara got to her feet as I did, she looked concerned.

"Lindsey's in trouble." I explained. "I need to go to the school."

"I'll come with you." Sara spoke. It wasn't an offer, it was a demand, and I was thankful for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for your patience on this, I will try and get back to updating on a more regular basis, but I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter Six

The drive to the school was in silence and I was thankful that Sara had offered to drive, meaning I had some time to collect my thoughts. I couldn't understand how Lindsey would get herself into trouble - she wasn't at all aggressive and she didn't go looking for confrontation. How could she be in a fight and not be hurt? My head was spinning with the possibilities.

A few minutes later Sara parked up outside the school and we entered the large building. The corridors were long and cold, my heels and Sara's boots echoing with our steps. I led the way towards the principal's office, assuming that's where Lindsey would be. My heart was still racing and my stomach churned.

It was as Sara and I approached the principal's door that Sara took my hand in hers. Her hands were a little larger than mine and her fingers fit well between my own as she brushed the back of my hand with her thumb. "It's going to be okay." she told me, short but simple enough for me to know I had her support.

I gave her a soft smile and she returned it before letting go of my hand. I instantly longed for her touch but tried to clear my head as I knocked on the large green door in front us. "Come in." the voice from the other side called. I turned the handle and pushed the door, subconsciously taking a deep breath which shuddered in my chest with my nerves.

Sat in the large room was the stern-faced aging principal, her thin lips pursed, fingers drumming on the mahogany desk she was sat behind. Her glassy eyes stared over the desk at my little girl, Lindsey, who looked even smaller than her usual tiny frame. She was sat on a green plastic chair, her legs dangling, too short to reach the floor. She looked as though she'd been crying. "Miss Willows." the principal croaked sharply, "please take a seat."

I took a plastic seat next to Lindsey and squeezed her hand comfortingly. As I sat I realised Sara was stood awkwardly in the doorway. "Lindsey, will you go and wait with Sara outside whilst I talk to..." I searched the desk for a name plaque, "Miss Ford."

Lindsey didn't wait to be told twice, grabbing her rucksack from her side and rushing to take Sara's open hand.

I smiled gratefully at Sara and she returned it, "We'll just be out here when you're ready." she said softly.

The door clicked closed and Miss Ford's long bony fingers stopped their tapping. "Lindsey was involved in a fight." she said simply, coldly. I narrowed my eyes at the woman in front of me. How could she be responsible for children? She was obviously a dreadful woman.

"What happened?"

"An argument broke out in the science department between your daughter and a classmate of hers, Ellis Paige. Lindsey pushed Ellis into a table and the poor girl cut her hand on a vile and had to have stitches."

"What was the argument about?" I couldn't help but feel mortified that Lindsey had done this. Mortified and utterly devastated.

I watched the old woman's lips turn into a hint of a smile before she replied in her same cold manner, "Apparently you are not around for Lindsey very often."

"My sister Nancy helps me out as my work takes up a lot of my time. What's this got to do with anything?"

"Well Ellis said she brought the subject up with Lindsey and the next thing she knew Lindsey had pushed her."

I held my tongue with all my might. This was out of order. I breathed out the air I realised I had been holding before getting to my feet. "Was there anything else?"

"Lindsey is suspended for the rest of the week." Miss Ford turned her attention to her paperwork as soon as she had finished her sentence.

I left the room with my fists clenched with anger at the woman's lack of understanding or sympathy to Lindsey's feelings. I knew I would have to discuss this with my little girl, but now wasn't the time.

Sara and Lindsey stood someway down the corridor and I made my way to them. Lindsey still had a tight grip of Sara's hand, a scrunched up tissue in the other, I assumed Sara had given it to her as her face looked more tear-stained than before. Lindsey's pink rucksack was slung over one of Sara'a shoulders.

"Let's get out of here." I said to them both and Lindsey grabbed my hand with her tissue hand. I was worried, really worried, about the behaviour of my little girl, but I knew I didn't have the whole picture yet, and when I did I would be able to find some sense in it all.

We headed back through the winding corridors and into the late-afternoon sunlight, Lindsey keeping hold of mine and Sara's hands until Sara unlocked the car for us to get in. Lindsey climbed in the back, Sara taking the driving seat again, with me in the front passenger seat. Sara started the engine as we buckled up, and I was grateful when she turned the radio on to prevent an uncomfortable silence.

The drive to my house was short, but enough time for Lindsey to have fallen asleep. Sara parked up the car in my drive and I threw her the front door keys as I lifted Lindsey out of her seat carefully.

She stirred a little, latching her arms around my neck, but didn't wake. I carried her into the house and whispered "I'll be back down in a second" to Sara before making my way up the flight of stairs.

My house was big, a present funded by Sam, and I loved it, but if I was to be truthful it was a little too big, even with Nancy living with us - I remembered that she wouldn't be back from work until nearly midnight, which gave me a few hours before I'd have to recite today's events to her. I placed Lindsey in her bed, pulling her shoes off gently before placing her duvet over her body. We would talk tomorrow.

I made my way back downstairs to see Sara standing awkwardly in my hallway. I realised that I'd never been alone in my house with her, previously it had been all the team that had come over for coffee or one time I'd made disastrous spaghetti bolognaise, to which they'd all insisted they had enjoyed, but it had tasted really bad.

I also realised how much Sara had done for me in the last two hours - I couldn't just let her go home, and I didn't want to. "Would you like to stay and have some dinner?" I asked, albeit quite nervously. I saw the memory of spaghetti bolognaise flash in her eyes and quickly added, "We'll get it delivered."

She smiled, "That'd be nice."

"There's a pile of takeaway menus in the living room, if you want to grab whatever takes your fancy." I motioned to the room ahead of us. "Would you like a drink?"

"Do you have beer?" she asked. She seemed as nervous as I was, I couldn't remember a time I'd see Sara so uncertain.

I nodded and headed into the kitchen. I was beginning to realise what I'd let myself in for, what I'd set up - dinner with Sara Sidle, in my house. I wanted so badly to take her upstairs to my bed, it was now only a flight if stairs away. Desperately trying to rid the thoughts of Sara in my bed, I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer for her.

Beautiful Sara, in my bed.

I popped the cap off the bottle and poured myself a glass of wine.

With my hands all over her.

A frustrated sigh escaped my lips and I poured myself a short whiskey to try and calm myself. I downed it quickly and revelled in the sting it provoked in my throat. This was going to be a difficult evening.


	7. Chapter 7

Here's another update - I couldn't help but get this one written ASAP. Reviews greatly appreciated, hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Seven

I entered the living room, my breath almost caught in my throat at the sight before me. Sara was sat on my couch, her feet tucked underneath her body, her boots placed neatly by the side of the couch, her hair was tucked behind her left ear as she studied the takeaway menus closely. Everything about what I saw was perfect – she looked so relaxed, like she was meant to be here. It felt like a dream for her to be here like this; it felt so intimate.

She glanced up from her menu to see me standing in the doorway and I could instantly feel my cheeks blush that she'd caught me staring. I approached her, passing the cold bottle of beer over to her, before awkwardly trying to make a decision over whether to sit next to her on the couch or take the chair opposite.

Sara made the decision for me, shifting her legs a little so that there was more space next to her, and pushed one of the cushions from the seat to clear space for me. "Thank you for the beer."

I sat down next to her and sipped the glass of wine I had poured myself, unsure what to say. I just wanted to kiss her. I needed to kiss her. My free hand felt alien at my side as I ached to touch her, just to feel her hand in mine like earlier.

"Chinese alright?" she asked, taking a sip of her drink before placing the bottle on the coffee table in front of us. She sounded so relaxed; it was such a contrast to the emotions I was experiencing.

I nodded and Sara turned her body towards me, moving a couple of inches closer, and passing half of the menu over for me to take hold of. I could feel her body pressed against my side, smell her vanilla scent, the need to respond was almost unbearable. She read out some suggested dishes, obviously used to ordering from this particular Vegas Chinese takeaway, but I wasn't really listening, as much as I tried to - I was studying her lips as she spoke, wondering what they'd feel like against my own.

"What would you like to eat?" she asked, picking up her bottle again to take another sip.

I searched the menu quickly, suddenly aware that I hadn't even contemplated food. "I'll just have chicken and noodles."

Sara smiled, "good choice. Shall I order?"

I nodded and she pulled her cellphone from her jeans' pocket. I took the opportunity of her diverted attention to take a glance at her – her shirt was a little more unbuttoned than I had noticed previously in the day, giving a subtle line to her chest-bone; her skinny jeans showing off her long legs beautifully. I also noticed her feet, now she was without her boots, she was wearing blue polka dot socks and I couldn't help but smile at the little touch of a side of Sara rarely seen. I also couldn't help but wonder what underwear she was wearing.

Sara hung up her cell and placed it on the table next to her beer. "15 minutes." She announced the food's arrival time with a grin.

"Thank you." I realized I was going to have to find something to occupy myself other than Sara. "Shall we watch a movie?"

"Sure. You pick."

I frowned a little. How was I going to judge this? My movie collection was 90% romantic-comedy, and I knew Sara well enough to know that she detested that genre. I rose from the couch and scanned my shelves for a suitable DVD.

I had recently had my living room re-decorated in a brown/white theme; with my couch and chair being brown leather already it made sense. It was one of the only tidy rooms in the house, and I was thankful that it possibly gave Sara the impression I was in control of my life. The room was big enough for my furniture, and my 42inch television mounted to the wall, but that was about it – I liked it like that, it felt warmer than the other bigger rooms of the house.

I ran my finger across the spines of the DVD covers as I debated the titles. My finger finally settled on _Drive_. I pulled it from the shelf and held it up for Sara to see.

"Perfect. Can I get you another drink?" she rose from the couch, noting my wine glass was pretty much empty.

"Yes, please."

Sara exited the room and I placed the DVD into the player. Despite all the other emotions that I was feeling this evening, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time, deep inside me – the deep, gaping whole that I usually felt in my chest, the emptiness that normally consumed me, was gone; instead I felt… happy.

I started up the DVD and Sara returned with drinks, taking her spot back on the couch. I joined her, back where I originally was too, hoping that the repeated closeness wasn't inappropriate. I quickly glanced over at her to make sure she was alright, and she caught my eye, holding eye-contact with me. The look in her eyes made my stomach flip excitedly and my skin tingle – it felt as though she was looking into my soul, it was so intense. Her lips parted a little and I felt like my heart might explode in my chest. Her eyes were like deep pools of something I couldn't even begin to describe, but I felt pleasure throb through me at the sight.

I watched as her lips seemed to close in on mine and I felt my eyelids close as my own lips parted in anticipation.

It was then that the doorbell rang and I couldn't help but let out a quiet groan as I opened my eyes. Sara's cheeks looked blushed and she was biting her bottom lip in such a way I felt as though I may pass out, although she had retracted the distance she had made towards me a few seconds earlier.

"I'll get it." I whispered, my full voice lost somewhere within myself. I headed into the hallway, pulling a bunch of dollar notes from my pocket and opening the front door.

The delivery man grinned at me, handing over the bag of Chinese food in his hand. He had no idea what he had just interrupted, and I couldn't help but frown at him a little, although I made sure I tipped him before closing the door. A bag of food in hand, I grabbed cutlery from the kitchen before going back into the living room.

Sara had sat up straight on the couch and she gave me a small smile as I entered the room. She seemed nervous and uneasy again, and my heart dropped at what could have been between us - what I thought would have happened anyway, whether or not that was the reality of the situation was perhaps another matter. My heart was beating so loudly in my chest I was sure Sara could hear it.

Passing Sara her box of noodles, I sat back down on the couch to her, but with a considerable distance between us. My body was in overdrive, the blood that had rushed between my legs didn't show any sign of letting up as I still longed for her touch, longed to run my fingers over her skin and under her clothes. I opened up my box of food and dug my fork into it; the film started and I fixated my attention to its pictures and sounds as I ate.

Sara and I didn't share a word whilst we ate, and as our silence progressed I became more and more concerned that I had upset her. As she finished eating and placed her empty food box on the table, I turned to her.

She looked as worried as I felt, even more uneasy now, although I couldn't be sure of the reason for her obvious anxiety.

"Have I upset you, Sar?" I asked nervously, placing my empty food container next to hers. The shortening of her name came to me without thought, and I hoped I hadn't pushed the situation.

She smiled at me in response, a warm smile that comforted me and confused me at the same time. She held her hand out to me and I took it, now unable to form thoughts as to what was occurring - nerves and hormones overtaking. She pulled me closer to her as she leant back against the couch, so that my head was resting on her chest.

Her breathing was hard, and I could feel her heart pumping rapidly in her chest. Her fingers slid through my hair, brushing through it with a few gentle strokes before her hands finally rested on my back, one of her fingers drawing gentle circles on my shirt, feeling my spine through the fabric.

My body lay between her open legs, and I shifted a little to curl my legs up. Gradually I listened as her heartbeat and breathing settled into a gentle pace, as did mine. The feeling of being so close to someone was overwhelming; wrapped in Sara's arms as she continued her gentle circles on my back.

I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I let myself savor the feeling of her warm body against mine. It had been so long since I had been close to anyone.

Sara must have felt my tears soak her shirt as she tilted my head up so I met her gaze. I felt myself blush that she had caught me crying, and couldn't help but expect her to react badly at the sight of my emotions, but instead she wiped my tears away with her soft fingers and placed a gentle, lingering kiss on my forehead before letting my head settle again on her chest.

"It's okay, Cath, honey, I've got you now. You're safe now, baby." she soothed and I felt a wave of relief wash over me as hard sobs shook my body. She held me close as I cried, repeating her comforting words as I sobbed against her chest.

I felt such a range of emotions it was difficult to comprehend - the relentless loneliness that had consumed me, the anger I felt at myself for letting Lindsey down, the relief of being consoled. Sara kept me close until I was too tired to cry anymore, and I felt myself fall asleep in her arms.


End file.
